I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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