halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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