i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
