At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize