I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
