I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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