I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
