It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
