I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
