haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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