I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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