she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
