he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
