So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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