I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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