I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
