Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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