I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
