well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
