And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
