I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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