I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
