im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
