I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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