she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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