I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize