i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize