why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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