Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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