I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
