life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
