I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
