We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
