hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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