i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
