Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
