her vagine was all disorganized.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
