I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
