just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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