Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
