wrigley field is MILF paradise
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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