Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize