Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
