Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
