I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
