why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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