Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
