He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
