You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
