she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This baby is an asshole
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
