we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How naked do you want me to be?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
