Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
