Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
