my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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