remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
