I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
