Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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