I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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