y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
