I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
