im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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