I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
