apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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