Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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