Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We had to coat check the pizza.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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