i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
